Sex & Dating IS NOT about logic (to borrow David D’Angelo’s article I used to subscribe to…which was lame anyway because that’s all he kept on saying). People in Yahoo or MSN articles like to compare it to a Job Interview…no. That itself is logical: someone needs someone with a certain set of skills, if you have it, you’ll get the job. Dating is not like that. I’ll never forget there was this girl on the internet dating site who said “I like Hispanic men, I like Hispanic culture and want to learn Spanish”. I figured “This sound like me! A no brainer! At least an online buddy even”. I replied (quick note as the “experts” say) but no response. Why? She’s not attracted to you.

• Dutch Instagram

I don’t want “MDA Jerry Lewis Telethon” sex, where I’m clearly the Joke in society, yet “everything’s gonna be OK”. In my mind, you’ve been with tons of real dudes who know what they’re doing and can please you way better, there’s no way a Virgin like me is “the next best thing” for you. And for those “conquering”, I’ve read their posts: “Yeah, you can do anything you want to them, they’d be really receptive. You can demonstrate that *This is sex* and they really wouldn’t know the difference because they’re virgins.” I don’t want that, full-stop, call me picky, but no. That’s just a full seizure of someone, and they have no clue the whole time which is very sad. I don’t want “Yeah, you’re gonna be great, I can tell”, meanwhile she’s winking to her webcam right before I’m gonna be devoured. How is someone Seizing your virginity, going to empower you? It doesn’t, it empowers them.

• Netherland Doms

Sorry, I’m almost done, this all just comes out as I’m typing this out, and I’m very sorry. The best thing I can do is “tie”. I can only have sex with a fellow Female InCel, because there’d be no One-upping, no controlling, and we’re both in the same boat. I’ve learned a lot while aging and being an older male virgin. I’m not fat, I’m not in a wheelchair, but that’s not the “pick-up” line either. “Just your being you” like Mister Rogers used to say doesn’t mean anything to anyone. It’s about attraction and attraction-level. My life would be totally different if I was a better looking person, full stop.

• Dutch Black Daters

What really kills me are the posting by some ladies, to me even, that “Male Virginity is Hot”. That’s a red flag, that’s like some skeevy old guy saying, “I like hanging by the park and watching cute little kids playing”. If you think that a 36 year old virgin is hot, there’s something wrong. There’s only two things I can say when I hear that: You either feel sorry for me, or you want a “conquer”, and I definitely don’t want part of either of those situations.

• Dutch Babies

Attraction is just is, there are no “1-2-3 Steps” to getting someone to like you. That’s what everyone wants: How can I make him/her like me? You can’t *make* someone like you. It’s like saying there are steps to liking the color Blue. You either do or you don’t. If there were 1-2-3 steps, then homeless people would just “get” supermodels all the time, because, hey, they followed the steps!

• Netherland Singles Meetups